The Rich, The Tired and The Married

Yes, yes, I know that and I told you I would, didn’t I? Did I not say that on Thursday? [pause] Yes, well then, leave it with me, OK!

Haha I’d forgotten all about this, mate!

That was a great night.

What? Oh that yes!! Haha… great days, mate, great days indeed, hey! But, we move on, Ken, we move on.

You’re looking a little down, Ken. You all right, mate?

[nodding] Yeah, yeah I’m fine, mate.

Yes well, OK then… Anyway, it’s all done now, I’ve had the sign put up and everything.

Yeah I know – I saw it.

Well I just have to wait now… Solomon said he will contact me as soon as...

[sniggers] Solomon!?

Yes, Solomon! That’s the name of me estate agent, isn’t it.

Haha yes I know that, mate… But… Solomon?… Only you, mate, only you would find an estate agent called… Solomon… As in… Solomon Burke… Well that says it all, don’t it, mate!

Hmmm… Yes…

Hello

Is it settled then?

[nods] Yeah.

Well Mr Crawford, we discussed the price and I do believe it was to your satisfaction?

Uh uh well yes, yes of course, Solomon, it uh, it was fine… uh fair! I guess you could say, yes.

Right well, excellent, Mr Crawford. OK. And umm… That drink we were speaking of… Friday night sound OK to you?

Yes OK then… That sounds fine. And do call me Harry… Solomon… Harry, please.

Hayley… bring Harry Crawford and me a coffee please, there’s a good girl.

Rocky, hello, mate! Where you been the past two weeks?

Ah hi, Ken – I’ve been at me Aunt June’s in Stirchley, she ain’t been too well and she needed someone to feed the dogs and clean up and stuff for her so I thought I’d chip in, ya know.

Very charitable of you, mate… Well, listen, I don’t suppose you’ve heard that CBS is now officially up for sale. Harry’s done it all, the sign’s up… so… what you going to do for work?

Well… Ken… the thing is… I…

[interrupts Rocky] Hold on, mate… phone’s ringing…

Yeah… hello… Harry?… What’s up, mate?…Oh… Umm… sorry, mate… Yeah of course… Sure… OK I’ll be there… OK Harry… see ya… yeah… yeah… bye.

Harry?

Yeah, his Aunt Lil died yesterday… he just got the phone call… He wants me to meet him for a drink at the Drum… wanna come?

There you go, boys.

And that was it, in her sleep… Well I suppose we can at least say she went peacefully if anything, hey?… Oh well.

Hey come on, cheer up, mate. She wouldn’t want you feeling down… she had a good life didn’t she?

And she wouldn’t have been alone, mate, she had them neighbours, didn’t she – that couple.

Yes that’s right, they were there for her when she had that stroke a few years back… nice people… I must send them something as a thank you.

You mentioned something about a will on the phone, mate. What’s that about then…?

Oh oh yes yes… well… apparently she won some money at the old bingo in 1989 at Spark Hill… she never spent it… she wanted me to have it… well, if it’s what she wanted, I can’t say no, can I!

Nah… can’t say no, mate!

[puzzled] What??… What??

Come on lads, who’s for another drink?

Well why not… pint for me, Ken.

Same here, mate.

Smudger… Two pints and a coke.

Hello?… no, no. The company are no longer in business, I’m afraid… OK… Thank you, bye.

Who was that, Alex?

I thought you’d had all the ads removed, Harry?

Well I did… and I thought the phone people were going to disconnect the bloody phone… God, do I have to keep on at people to get things done round here?!

Looks like it, Harry.

And Alex, I thought I told you to get all of these boxes out of here and into the van!

[out of earshot of Harry] Yes, Harry. Of course, Harry. Three bags bloody full, Harry.

Busy then, Harry?

Well seeing as people aren’t doing what I’ve requested them to do… Yes… I suppose you could say I am busy, Ken, yes…

I’m sorry, mate… It’s just everything. I didn’t mean to snap.

Hey no need, mate… no need to apologise. It is understandable, ya know. We’ve been here a while… It’s bound to have an effect… on all of us.

Yes, I suppose.

I’ve been thinking, you know.

Oh ah… haha… want an aspirin?

Nah… I mean about my work… I don’t think I am going to move to another office… or even carry on Boon Investigations.

[open mouthed] You what?!… Ken…?

Harry… come on, look at me… I’m not as young as I used to be. I’m getting too old for it, mate. Running round chasing villains and nookie cases… Be honest, mate.

Ken… this could be the start of a new beginning.

How, mate? What have you got lined up, hey?

Well… nothing yet!

Exactly… someone’s trying to tell us something, Harry. You ain’t got nothing lined up, I haven’t. So…?

Well me… I fancy having a little break for a bit. Till I come up with something ya know. And anyway I want to invest that money from me Aunt Lil… fifty grand I got from her, you know.

Bloody ’ell Harry…

I know… I was a little shocked meself… Bingo, hey… perhaps we should take it up. [giggles]

Yeah… maybe… [looks at the boxes] I’ll give ya a hand, mate…

Cheers!

Yes, mate, what will it be?

A long glass… And in that long glass… put a large… I say large! Bacardi and Coke please… and NO… ice… Good chap.

Urrm… yes, mate… coming right up I suppose…

I’d rather have it poured… then come right up …‘Mate!’

[under breath] Smug bastard!

I heard that… just hurry up with the drink… there’s a good boy.

Hmmm property investments… Huumm… right… Thanks Lil… this should help.

Ken, mate… Hello there.

Hello Gil… how you doing me, old son? Still keeping the horses?

Of course, Kenneth… and I bet I know why you’re asking!

You know me too well, mate!… It’s all right then?

I will take you to ‘Heaven’s Angel’, Kenneth… follow me.

Heaven’s Angel, hey!! Nice one.

Wow Gil… You’ve kept ’em well… so this is Heaven’s Angel… may I?

Go ahead, Ken… do your stuff.

Come…

Mr Crawford?

Uh Harry please… Yes?

You called this morning… about property investments Harry.

Oh, oh yes, yes I did… Mr Conden isn’t it?

Well, seeing as I may call you Harry… then you…</>

… You may call me Marshall.

Yeeeaaaah

Yes well Mr… sorry… Marshall. This is all looks very good. Very good indeed. I mean I will need to think about it but umm… oh what the hell… why not. I have nothing to lose haha.

We all have something to lose Harry… the way to look at it is…

Are we… “man” enough to gamble it to make even more?

Well, that’s a very good way of thinking Marshall… very good indeed.

In fact Harry…

Well, umm, yes thank you I will.

In fact… Harry

In fact… I think you should most probably invest a little more than your £50,000. Maybe another… well… quite a bit more Harry… you see. This property development is most probably the biggest development deal that has gone down in Birmingham… did I tell you it was in Birmingham Harry?

Well, in the last seven years.

Oooh… well, I urrm…

You’d be a fool, Harry, not to invest as much as possible.

Aye yes… well… I totally agree with you Marshall, yes, yes, yes… indeed.

Pint please, Smudge.

You OK, Rocks?

Ah…

You’re looking a little… down.

Ah…

Right, well there you go, mate.

Ah…

Hi Smudger… Hi Rocky?

Ah…

That’s all he’s bleedin’ said since he got here!

Umm…

Oh well… White wine, Smudger, please.

Coming up.

I want Ken.

Don’t we all Rocky… but he isn’t here right now… will I do?

Do you ride a bike?

Uh… no.

Do you like Westerns?

Umm… not usually.

Does your last name sound like a noise a bomb makes?

‘Wilton’… No… I don’t think it does.

Well then NO! I don’t want you…

Rocky, come and sit over here with me…

Now… what’s wrong, tell me?

I’m leaving.

So I’m investing all of it. And whatever I can make on the office.

Harry… are you mad or what?

I’m a respectable businessman Ken… I mean I wouldn’t be doing it if I thought I was going to get nothing back, would I?

You’ve done it before, mate.

That’s different, isn’t it… I mean, I’ve learned a lot since the last time.

Yes… maybe… but people can make mistakes.

Well not me! Not Harry Crawford!

No… not the Harry Crawford, with no more prospects.

Oh that’s charming, that is, isn’t it. Some mate you’ve turned out to be.

Well look at the facts, Harry… You are selling the only income you had, and do have. Nothing to fall back on. No ideas of what to do next. And all the money you have, you are investing it in some property deal in the West Midlands… Birmingham… right back where you started… it’s a full circle, mate… Harry, have a day off, mate! CBS is over, you are getting old and what the hell are you going to do with any money you make now at your time of life?!

Oh bloody marvellous… Now I am old! Cheers, Ken Boon!

Harry!… Oh fu…

Get me a buggering pint, Smudger… Now, on the double, chop chop!

Yes, yes OK, Harry, keep your hair… Keep yourself calm.

Yes. And if Ken comes in… tell him I will be over there, but that I’m not talking to him. Right?

Right. You two had a…

Never you mind. Just hurry the pint up and bring it over to me.

Over here, Harry!

Australia, that’s where, Alex. And I don’t know how to tell Ken.

Ken… Ken… Ken, Ken, bloody Ken.

Hey!! Ken is like a dad to me. He loves me, he cares about me… all you do is boss me, and boss Ken too!

You’re drunk, Rocky.

And you’re … you’re…

Bald!… that’s what you are!

I will not sit here and… and be spoken to like that.

Here’s your pint, Harry.

Fantastic, isn’t it. He must be the third awkward customer I’ve had in here today.

Life is a pain, isn’t it, Smudger.

Can say that again, darling.

Come on, Rocky… let’s go and find…

Oh well, here he is now.

Oh no!! What am I going to saaaaay?!!

Hello you two, want a drink?… Or is that a “no”, Rocky? I think he’s had enough, ain’t he.

Rocky wants to talk to you, Ken.

Pint smudge… Oh yeah? What’s up, Rocks?

Ye… O… K… Rocky… Come on… Sit down.

I will umm leave you two love birds to it, shall I?

Al… Hey… Alex…!

I love you, Ken!

Yeah… I know, Rocky. So what’s wrong.

Memories…

They’re wonderful, aren’t they, Harry?

Yes, they are…

What the… bloody hell?… Well I’ll be buggered!

Hello, Harry.

Ummm

Well?

One moment…… Hello CBS… Hello… Yes, hello, Solomon… Right……

Yes. Yes, she is here, Solomon!…

OK… Right… Bye…

That was Solomon, I take it, Harry?

You… buying… this place?… You?… But…

You never were one for grand entrances, were you, Harry.

Well I… I… Oh bloody hell.

Hi Harry… umm… watch the coat, it’s camel hair.

What?… Haha… Yes… you are looking grand, Laura… it’s been…

A little while, Harry… a little while… but long enough to get my life in order.

Coffee?

Herbal tea?

Australia, hey?

Ah… I need to find meself, Ken… It’s been a long time.

Find yourself?

Ken. I’ve been working with you… and Harry… for the best part of five years, almost six now. And apart from a great bunch of friends, I have nowt to show for it.

Well, what do you expect to gain from Oz? A tan and a bottle?

Adventure, freedom, new prospects.

Well, you won’t know anyone, mate!

I will make friends.

As good as…

No!! …

OK… Well at least hear what idea I had first, hey? Please?

OK…

So… You – married, hey. What’s this Martin like?

He’s great, computer engineer at Wadworths in Didsbury just outside Manchester. Earns a fortune, he does.

And he’s helping you set up business, hey… Haha who’d have thought it… Laura Marsh… Private Eye!

Yeah, well, I studied the mind of a private eye at a night class in Didsbury. I’ve got a cousin who lives there – she talked me into doing it. That’s where I met Martin. He was fixing a computer at the place where I was studying.

Mary, darling!! You said you were going to call when you got to the airport so I could pick you up!

Stop fussing, you great fool [giggles] I thought I’d surprise you.

You did that all right, sweetheart!… Urrr… Laura this is my…

Choose your words carefully, Harry.

My fiancée … Mary O’Haren… Mary, this…… is Miss Laura Marsh… Ohh… sorry Laura, I have done that twice now… Mrs Laura…Ummm…

Underwood.

Nice to meet you, Laura… I do believe Harry and Ken have mentioned you once or twice.

Reform Texas Rangers??… Well… urrm

Well, it’s an idea I have had for a while now, since that business with Harry proposing to Mary last year, and putting CBS up for sale… I just lost all track of things. I got bored with the whole detective thing… and, well I started wondering when I was last happy… and it was when Texas Rangers was a great business… We were a great business.

Debbie.

What?

Debbie… she was great, hey.

Yeah she was, mate. Married now. Wonder where she is now?

Debbie!

Yes, Mr Conden.

Get me my files labelled “C” will you, good girl.

Yes, Conden.

How many times, Yates!!!! It’s Mr! … Mr Conden, for God’s sake.

Yes Mr!!!! Con… den!

Bloody Scousers.

Well, Laura, it’s been great doing business with you. Hope you’re happy with everything.

I certainly am, Harry. I’ll give you a call around noonish tomorrow.

All right, Laura. Take care.

See ya.

Seems like a nice girl.

Ah, she sure is… Changed though.

Harry!

Hi Ken.

Bloody hell. Where did you appear from? Nearly give me heart attack then.

Haha. Sorry, Ken, I was just in the warehouse clearing out the last of the boxes… You and Harry kissed and made up yet then?

Well that’s why I’m here. As well as to get my bits and pieces.

Well he’s in the office with Mary… and unless she’s gone, some brunette who thinks she is it!

Brunette? Who…? Hmmm?

Well glad you enjoyed Ireland, Darling… I wish I could ha… Hi Ken

Harry… Mary.

Everything OK with you two?

Can I have a minute, Harry?

Ken, sit down, pour yourself a coffee… Forget the other night, I’m sorry… Friends?

Oh, Harry, I’m glad you said that…

So who’s this stuck-up brunette, then?

Looks a bit posh for me.

Stop moaning, Ken, you only get these opportunities once in a lifetime!

Yes, and always rely on Harry to give you these opportunities, hey!

Manuel – Table for four, please!

Mr Crawford, yes of-a-course! This-a-way please. Let-a-me take your coats! [to Alex] Ah Madame!

Thank you.

Here is mine, Waiter. Do be careful…

It’s camel-hair.

Um-a-yes.

She has changed, ain’t she?

Yes, well it’s a good thing when middle-classes learn to become a better breed Ken.

I pray for the day when you practice what you preach, Harry.

Let’s sit down now, yes? Alex!!

So Ken. Is Alex your partner?

Well, no, Alex took over from… well she was our…

What he is trying to say is that I took over from where you left Miss… Under… Log.

Alex!!

Well… the accent obviously helped somewhat I presume!.

All right, all right… I brought you all out for a nice meal to celebrate my investment, not to pick at each other. So can we all just decide what we are going to eat for starters… Hmm… The Beef grill sounds-a-nice… Manuel!!

So… to my good fortune, and to… well… my good fortune… And all that it may hold for the future.

Hear, hear!

And so say all of us, Harry Crawford.

Here’s to the future, Harry.

Yes… Thank you.

Alex… did you have to sleep with Harry to get in to CBS? Or did Ken find you at a radio station requesting a song?

Laura!! Please.

Laura, you’ve changed, young lady. I advise you stop this behaviour at once.

How about this for an answer, Missy.

You… little whore!!

I bet you like this position, don’t you, Laura.

Well…

Look at the state of me…

You’ve got a bit of celery in your collar, Harry.

Oooh bugger!

Hi, uh, pint, please.

We don’t serve beers I’m afraid. Only spirits and wines.

A water, then, mate!

I love the way you handled those people.

What?

The name is Mabeline. Mabeline Conden.

Um… Ken… Ken Boon… Which people?… Oh you mean the little… Ha… it was nothing.

I um… see you are on your own now. They left?

No… They’re just settling up amongst themselves. I’m thirsty.

I have drinks at my house. If you would like to join me.

Nice ride…

Wha…!

Your motorcycle, Mr Boon… A nice ride… Would you like to come in then? I have beers… as well as wine.

Well…

Never refuse a lady, Mr Boon

Yeah it’s a nice place you have here, Mabeline.

Never have I been so insulted and embarrassed in all my life, Mary!!!! If only you’d been there, you would have hit them all.

I prob…

You would… what the hell are you laughing at, Mary?……… Mary?

I…

Well, you go ahead, laugh at me… but I don’t see this as a laughing matter… I was humiliated. Torn down, ripped to shreds… and you… what were you doing last night instead of standing up for me, hey? Playing bloody dominoes at the pub with your stupid friend Mildred!!!! Rather than…

AAAH Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

Well stuff this… bugger it all… I’m going to see Ken. Reckon I’ll get more sense out of him…

That’s it… Laugh…

Well [sniggering] what did you expect me to do, mate!

And where did you get to last night? When I was left paying the bill for all the food and wine, and all the broken plates and glasses, hey? You were nowhere to be seen, mate! No, the great Ken Boon, riding off into the sunset when things need doing…

Harry – shut up you great berk!… If you must know… I was at a young lady’s house.

Oh ah… and who was this “young lady?”

Mabeline… Mabeline Conden.

Oooh. Mabeline Conden is… it… I know that name.

Yes… so do I… same name as your Marshall… I worked it out this morning.

Well… that’s a coincidence, hey!

Yeah… isn’t it just?… A little too much of a coincidence.

Hmm… yes well… anyway… I am going to meet Solomon now for a drink at the Drum. As arranged. I shall see you later, Mr Boooooon!

Yes, who is it?

Er… It’s me… is Harry about?

No… and further more, I don’t think he wants to see you after the way you acted last night.

Me?… You are the one that…

[sniggering] Hahaha

Haha… Harry’s face…

“You… little whore…”!!!!

Hmm… hahahahahaha … yes well… Good thing that we are finding it funny now!!

Heeheehheee… Well I am not the sort of person that usually holds a grudge for long

[giggling] Well… I am… but I suppose, any friend of Ken’s… is a friend of mine.

Hello… friends now, I see. [smiles]

You could say that.

Well good, cause I want to share my plans for Harry with females…

Dear Ken, I will miss you… Rocky.

[exasperated] Ohh … Rockyyyy!!

Who’s the mug?!

That your name, is it?… Rocky?

You out of work?

Ah!

Not any more.

Ahh great!

Well he wants the ceremony at a Rotary Club, I want it in Ireland. Well, let’s put it this way, girls… neither will be happening. All I need you two to do is to keep Harry away from this place for at least four days.

Right, no problem, Mary.

Leave it to us.

Hello… You two ain’t fighting again, are ya?

They have made up. No worries!

Ah great stuff… Umm… any of you seen Rocky?

Right… OK… Well.

Everything OK Ken?

Yeah… Alex… you got any idea where Harry’s man Marshall is based?

Birmingham somewhere.

Any idea where in Brum?

Smethwick I think… Sternley Road. Why?

Never mind. Catch you later, and if you see Harry, don’t tell him I asked.

Right… see you.

Can I have a bacon sandwich and a coffee please, love!

Sure, that will be one pound twenty, please.

Thanks, I’ll be sitting over there near the window.

Oi! Mister!

Rocky!!!!

Rocky, what the hell’s going on, mate?

I dunno, Ken. I just wanted to be on me own for a bit. Get me head together. Especially after you wanted me to reform Texas Rangers with ya… I was confused.

[out of breath] Well why didn’t you just talk to me, mate. It don’t matter about Texas Rangers, that was just a silly idea of mine, that’s all, Rocky.

Well… I was going to come back tomorrow. I thought about it… it’s a great idea. Anyway, Oz … I’m having second thoughts about it now… I saw a new light when you brought up the Texas Rangers stuff. I want to do it! For real.

Now, Rocky, that’s where I want you to go. Just keep an eye out and see what you can find out OK? I’ve phoned Laura and she’s on her way to help ya.

Ah, no worries, Ken.

Now I am off back home, make sure Harry don’t get word of what we’re up to.

OK… Laura!!!!… Did you say Laura????!!!!

Harry!!!! Harry!!!! You need to, urrm, get out of here.

I beg your pardon?

It’s urrm…… Your house.

What about my house?

Well… a neighbour of yours phoned and, urrm, said they saw someone trying to get in… Looked very very suspicious.

Oh bugger… I’ll have to get back there… Bloody hell!

[under breath] Ha ha… Bingo, Harry Crawford… You are too easy.

Ah, there you are, thought you’d never get here.

Like old times, isn’t it, Rocky.

Could say that, couldn’t ya. How are ya?… I hear you’ve bought the office…

Doing great thanks, Rocky…and yep… I’ve bought Harry’s office

Wow… hey… look!

Oooh!!

Laura… wait…

Hello, excuse me!

Yes?

Umm, is Mr Conden here at all?

Who? Don’t you mean Camden?

Umm, no, Marshall Conden?

Nah, you mean Marston Camden… He’s selling up. No Marshall what’s-it round here, love. Sorry.

Oh… OK… Thanks.

Looks like Ken was right, Rocky… Definitely something weird going on… they never heard of Marshall Conden.

Bloody, nothing… Bugger it!

Right… Well I guess I am going to have to let him know… Thanks Laura, great work, love.

Right, Mr Conden… Not your name after all, hey?

Well done, Alex! Looks wonderful. Now, how are we going to keep Harry away from CBS again?

Well Ken just called a moment ago, and apparently we’re free of him, cause they have something to sort out, so…

Great!

Just get over here, Harry, I need to talk to you urgently!… I don’t care – just get your arse over here now!

So… I’m fired then?

Debbie, dear girl… I wouldn’t call it fired… Let’s call it… An earlier retirement than expected, hey?

Does that mean I don’t have to call you Mr Conden any more!

I thought when we got married that we were going to play by my rules … Miss Yates.

This is no ordinary marriage, you bastard!

Now, now… You know how angry I can get… Debbie. Now be a good girl… go and put my case in my car. Go on, run along.

Yes… Mr Conden.

Right, Harry… Did you get all of what I just said to you?

Yes… but there has to be some sort of reasonable explanation for it… I mean…

Harry, you are a loveable bloody fool, you really are, mate. He has shafted you, and probably God knows how many other business people in Birmingham and Nottingham. And you are looking for perfectly good explanations?

OK, OK… I’ll go down there myself and find out what’s going on.

Harry!… Harry…

Debbie??… Nah it can’t be… naah.

Oi… What do you think you are doing?

I’m going in to see whatever-his-name-is-today – that’s what I’m doing, mate!

I don’t think so, pal. Now sling your hook [takes out a gun] or you are dead. Just like Mr Camden will be if he sends more people like you round here.

Ken… get here, now, I have been threatened, I don’t know what the hell is going on… Get down here now, mate! Pronto!

I’m sure there’s a bike following us.

Don’t worry.

Good boy – have a nice life… Camden!

Oi! You owe my friend some money, old son.

And who might you be, old bean?

Don’t act tough with me, mate, after what I just saw… You don’t seem to me to be the kind of man who can handle himself.

Listen, biker brain. I am not a fool or a mug.

No, mate, you’re a thief… and you – Mabeline…

Gretta, actually.

Whatever… I do not like being made a fool out of… Like taking me back to your house. What was that supposed to gain, hey?

You slept with my daughter?

Listen, unless you want a thick ear, son, you’d better tell me what the hell’s going on here.

Protection rackets, Mr…?

Boon.

Mr Boon… Protection rackets… I have been leaned on left, right and centre by them two guys and others. I have now been forced to sell up. But I didn’t have the money to pay them off… so I had no choice but to resort to fraud. Sadly your chum Harry happened to be in the firing line. But now, there isn’t much I can do is there.

Not much you can do? Not much you can do… you bastard! You have shafted my mate for every penny he has, and you say there ain’t… you scum… Don’t ever come near me or Harry again!

Well… fooled once more, Ken. Just like you said.

Sorry, Harry.

No, no… Not your fault, Ken. I should have listened to you, shouldn’t I.

Well everything’s settled, Laura, the place is yours now.

Harry… I can’t do this.

What do you mean, you can’t do… can’t do what?

I’m going to sell this place, Harry.

Harry… don’t interrupt her again, hear her out, mate. Go ahead, love.

I feel awful, Harry. I bought this place off you. Now you have nothing. All your money gone. So… if you don’t want to just take the money, then how about I sell this place, start my firm up at another place… and we become partners.

Well, Harry?

Harry, speak… or else you might catch a fly!!

Umm…

I think he’s dead!

I’m not dead, Rocky…

Well answer Laura then, mate!!

Uh… Uh yes!!

Poor Harry.

Poor old sod, never has had much luck when it comes to money or women.

Well at least Laura pulled through, was really good of her to do that for Harry.

She always was a great kid.

I guess I misjudged her at first, hey.

[sniggers] Just a little, darling. Just a little.

So what about you.

Me what?

You and women.

Ah… I gave that up… [sniggers]

What about me?

What about you…?

Did you give up on me Ken?

I…

Come on, Ken… You can’t tell me that you didn’t know…

Hold on… don’t…

Don’t what?… I thought you knew.

Alex… there’s… something that I…

Ken. Now’s a good a time as any… I … OK… Do you remember that first time we met?

Yes… when I…

When you were [giggles] … going to quote-unquote “jump”…

Well, yes of course I remember… it was me weren’t it [snigger]

I looked into your eyes, you know…

I looked, and I thought to myself… I want to rescue this man… even if he isn’t in need…

I knew all along that you weren’t going to jump, Ken.

Ken…

[clears throat]… Mm, Hmm…… yes.

Ken… kiss me…

Alex… look…

Alex!!……………… Oh no…!!

Alex!!!! I… Alex, I love you!

Ken… oh Ken…

Well??

Ken. I…… Of course I’ll marry you…

So… me and Mary… you and Alex… Might be Rocky and Laura next. That is, if she wasn’t married!

[laughs] Ha ha… yeah… Would be something wouldn’t it… Rocky… and a girl.

Sets minds going crazy that thought, don’t it [laughs]

Haha… yeah.

End of an era, Ken…

No, mate… just… change that’s all.

You’ve never been one for change, Ken… What made you do it now?

I don’t know… some things, you just can’t control, can ya?

Well… I guess…yeah. [stands up, looks out of window – full moon] Full moon Ken – Rocky should be howling right about now.

[laughs] Ha… yeah.

I’ll miss this place.

I will… in a way.

It’s been a long time… me and… you.

You sound like we’re getting divorced, mate.

Well… you know what I mean.

Yeah… I know, mate.

It’s like the Lone Ranger losing Tonto.

I always thought Harry was more… Silver… and you Tonto, Rocky…

Fire brigade, Ponderosa.

The Grand… Coaching Inn…

BDI… Plaza Suite…

Woodcote Park…

Hey!… Don’t forget Texas Rangers.

Reformed…

Should be a laugh…

Reformed?

Well… there’s only one thing for you to say, Ken…

Hi Ho Silver?

I do.

Oh I do…

This is so romantic.

[to Harry] Alex will be like…… me step-mother now!

Naah it can’t be…

I bloody do, all right!

I do… Harry Lawford!!

Yes, can I help you, please?

A one-way ticket to Spain, please

Thanks!